A PLEA FROM A CHRISTIAN CATERER

I am a caterer of weddings and am a devout follower of the Lord God Jesus Christ. As such, I have a number of principles derived from the Bible which guide me in both my life and in my business. Owing to my devoutness, I will not cater to the following:

Adulterers (Leviticus 20:10)

And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

Consumers of shrimp (Leviticus 11:10-11)

And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you. They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

Consumers of pork (Leviticus 11:7-8)

And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.

Wearers of garments that mingle linen and wool (Leviticus 19:19)

Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.

Sunday shoppers and NFL players, including ex-NFL players such as Tim Tebow (Exodus 20:10)

But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

Clean-shaven men (Leviticus 19:27)

Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

Anyone with a tattoo or earrings or any other body piercings (Leviticus 19:28)

Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

Bankers (Exodus 22:25)

If thou lend money to any of my people that is poor by thee, thou shalt not be to him as an usurer, neither shalt thou lay upon him usury.

Psychics (Leviticus 20:27)

A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Non-Christians (Deuteronomy 17: 2-5)

If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that hath wrought wickedness in the sight of the LORD thy God, in transgressing his covenant,

And hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them, either the sun, or moon, or any of the host of heaven, which I have not commanded;

And it be told thee, and thou hast heard of it, and enquired diligently, and, behold, it be true, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought in Israel:

Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die.

Homosexuals, particularly male – I am still working out what the Bible says about lesbians (Leviticus 18:22)

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

MY PLEA: My business is suffering due to the satanic culture that has risen up around me. I plead with you, my fellow Christians, to support my catering business. NOTA BENE: I will only cater to good, god-fearing Christians that do not fall into any of the categories listed above; all others can go to hell! Finally, lest you think I am alone in the good fight you should look into these other companies/organizations:

Dear reader, I hope you use this information appropriately in your shopping adventures.  Merry Christmas!

  , , , , , , ,